Mastering a Bedpan

I’ve discovered that there are two things which are difficult to master when you go into hospital: using a bedpan, and walking on crutches.

I have nothing but praise for the hospital, staff and consultant, but you can’t choose your bedfellows. I was in a 6 bed bay of post-operative patients, except that my neighbour was waiting for a bed in a geriatric ward after a hip operation. Sometimes lucid, more often in a world of dementia, she managed to keep everyone awake with her random shoutings.

“There’s muck on these walls.”

“Catch the train, catch the train….”

Of course Edith also talked in her sleep, and was extremely restless.

“What are you doing? That’s my drink,” said her other neighbour as she helped herself.

“That’s not my bluetooth” said Edith surprisingly.

“No. It’s to call the nurse.”

She loved that. The buzzer went off every half hour all night.

At her first attempt with the bedpan she fell off and her bed had to be changed. On two following occasions in the middle of the night she asked for it too late, with the same consequences.

I’m home now, appreciating the peace and mastering my crutches and my fine stylish (not!) black boot.

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