Scene: Newcastle Airport Departure lounge
Dramatis Personnae: 2 Fat Slags, Wayne and Waynetta Slob.
All are chewing vigorously. Fat Slag 1 totters towards spare seats on high heels which surely must break under her weight. Fat Slag 2 follows, flesh wobbling free from skimpy shorts to reveal a stretched butterfly on her backside. Her tee shirt reads “We are young, we are failures and we love it” (Yes, really)
Wayne and Waynetta have 3 mobile phones between them. He fishes inside his shorts for his second one and conducts 2 conversations at once about a duty free order, passed on to Waynetta on her phone. He is incapable of remembering the 4 bottles required so they are repeated loudly many times into the second phone and to Waynetta. I do not wish to know the items on this shopping list but they are indelibly printed on my mind long before Wayne’s conversation is finished.
“Baccardi, Jack Daniels, Malibu, Archers.”